the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Randomize