i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize