hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
