The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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