Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
did i walk over a car last night?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Randomize
