dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
