I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
