I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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