just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
True strength comes from lack of pants
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
