Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just pee around me
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
