happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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