I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
