Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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