I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
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