You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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