I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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