she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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