We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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