I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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