honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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