I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
so let's talk penis.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
