I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize