My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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