I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Randomize
