Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
