just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
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