My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
