I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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