how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
