Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
