Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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