Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize