Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
