hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
