Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
