I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
