I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
