I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Randomize
