# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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