dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
