Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
