My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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