Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
