I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
