She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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