I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
