jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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