He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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