Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
