Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Slut skills are useful in every country.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
