what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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