the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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