to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
