just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
