Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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