Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
areolas are like halos for boobs.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
