Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
