According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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