What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
