i jhust puked up my retainher.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
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so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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