i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
