dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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