i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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