She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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