I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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